Do you want to pull out of the fast lane?
To take a slower, more intentional approach in your day-to-day?
In our technology-seeped, drive-through culture we’ve lost a few things that used to make us slow down, connect with each other on a more personal level, and put our own best self forward.
It’s high time we revive these old customs that made life better–and made us take our time.
Writing letters
Like many of you, I grew up in a flurry of stationary and stickers with half a dozen pen-pals and no such thing as an email until junior high. When a letter arrived for me I’d abscond with it to my bunk bed or a tree to pour over the contents. Writing–by hand–was daily life. Besides letters to pen-pals there were the notes my mom made me write to our college-bound babysitters, and thank you cards galore: to our elderly friend from church who gave us Milky Way bars, to our grandparents after every birthday, to the museum where we’d gone on a homeschool field trip.
Why don’t we write letters and notes any more?
Letters take longer than a phone call or an email, both to compose and to receive. They require more out of us and cost a little more…stamps, stationary, and writer’s cramp. There are more efficient ways to get a message across. But nothing can beat the intimacy of a hand-written letter, or the pleasure you get when you receive one!
Wearing a watch
Do you want to look instantly polished with very little effort? Put on a wristwatch. Your grandmother probably wore a watch. It didn’t make her look stodgy, it made her look like a lady. And you probably wanted one or looked forward to owning your first watch.
A watch is a classy accessory that conveys your personal style and will save you from being rude on more than one occasion. Like me, you might be a compulsive phone-checker. Not necessarily to see the latest social media update, but because you’ve gotten so used to using your phone as a clock that now it’s the only way you check the time. The trouble is, it’s almost impossible to be discreet about checking your phone for anything–even something as innocuous as the time of day. Ask anyone who’s taught high school: no, you’re not being subtle when you “glance” at your phone.
But when there’s a pretty watch on your wrist? You know the time instantly, without having to appear rude in a meeting, at a restaurant, or anywhere where your phone ought to be out of sight.
Dressing for dinner
All of the Victorians in the novels I read as a little girl got “dressed for dinner,” and I was fascinated by the ritual. I’m not sure when we stopped this practice, because even in Agatha Christie novels (which go deep into the 20th century), people still dress up for dinner, even when they don’t have servants to help them.
Dressing for dinner shows respect for the ritual of sharing a meal with other human beings. It’s a small way of slowing down and being intentional. Of savoring time around the table with your people, and showing them that they’re worth dressing up for (because if you were expecting company, you’d definitely put more time into your appearance, right?).
Now, I don’t mean we should all wear elbow-length gloves like Lady Mary from Downton Abbey. Although as a thirteen-year-old, I probably would’ve liked that. All I’m talking about is taking a moment to freshen up before sitting down to eat. If you’re anything like me, you probably feel a bit frazzled after dinner preparation, and taking a few minutes to reset can save you from being grumpy woman when you sit down. Put on a fresh, pretty top, and brush your hair. That’s all it takes!
Dress for dinner when you go out to eat, too. It’s uncommon these days; most of the people in a restaurant (even a “fancier” one), look like they’ve been at Disney World all day. Be different and put some effort into your appearance. It will ensure that going out to eat still feels special, which it should!
Bringing flowers indoors
Take a page out of a Jane Austen story and infuse your home with fresh flowers. You don’t have to be a master florist, just gather the flowers that are available from the garden or the wood’s edge. Trim the stems at an angle and put them in a vase for the kitchen table, the entry way, or the bathroom. If you can’t find anything blooming outside, it’s money well spent to buy an occasional bouquet from the grocery store. Flowers brighten your home and lift your spirit, and it’s a simple way to add beauty and color when you have zero decorating skills.
I think I first learned how happy flowers can make me when I was 15 and living in Chile. Nearly every week, my parents (usually my Dad, I believe), bought a large bouquet to break up and spread throughout the house. Nearly every room had a vase tucked onto a window sill or counter top; there were flowers everywhere you looked.
Reading aloud as a family
Serialized stories were the TV of the day in the mid-1800s. Many of the Victorian novels we know today originally appeared chapter by chapter in literary magazines such as Household Words and the Cornhill. The public eagerly awaited each new installment of the latest novel by Charles Dickens or George Eliot, reading them aloud in the evenings with the whole family gathered in.
Watching your favourite TV show with your family can certainly be a time for bonding, too, but a book read aloud is a more deeply engaging experience. I’ve found that the stories we read aloud as a family live far longer in memory than any sitcom or drama we’ve watched through.
Now, I’m not suggesting you pull a Mr. Collins and bore everyone with Fordyce’s sermons. Read a novel, or a poem that tells a story (like Sir Gawain and the Green Knight). If you have children, you can introduce them to stories that might be difficult for them to read on their own. My siblings and I fell in love with Robinson Crusoe and The Lord of the Rings long before we would’ve been able to tackle those stories solo.
Reading aloud does take practice, but trust me–once you find your voice (and the voices of each character) your kids will be begging you to read “just one more chapter!”
You can be honest with me: am I being too nostalgic? Are these or other “old-fashioned” customs worth bringing back? Do you do them already? I’d like to know.
P.S. Here are some other somewhat-related posts you might enjoy:
Why Every Homemaker Should Dress for the Job She Wants
Great post! I think you have great ideas. I actually love my old fashioned, analog watch. And, my husband and I are currently in a long-distance relationship where we write letters sometimes. There is such a hyper-connectedness about the world today where we can text, FaceTime, etc. It’s nice to slow down and put pen to paper, it feels very natural! I’m hoping to get more into reading aloud when my twins stop trying to tear apart ALL the books 🙂
And those letters will be keepsakes for years to come! It’s not like we save texts or Facebook messages, but when someone takes the time to write a hand-written letter, it feels more special and save-worthy…because it is!
Thanks for reminding me to write letters again . There is something so beautiful about snuggling up with a hot drink, with a blanket and a unopened letter from a precious friend. I loved the rest of your suggestions. Every evening my family come together and we read the Bible together out loud.
We did the same! My dad would read a chapter from the current read-aloud, and then do devotions before bed.
Hey there! I totally agree! Especially with writing letters..; ) And, I am sooo gonna go buy a watch!
I’m so glad! A watch is so classy(:
Spot on post! We have our children write thank you notes and people respond with appreciation as if it’s unheard of anymore. I guess sadly it is. It seems many kids aren’t even responding with verbal thank you’s anymore.
I’d agree with that. My nieces/nephews on my husband’s side of the family never even send so much as a facebook post of thank you. Even when I’ve poured heart & soul into handmade gifts I think they will really like. We hardly ever see them, so christmas/birthday cards are about the only way we get to communicate with them..
That is too bad! They probably have no idea how much their thank yous are missed. I really want to guide my son to send thank you cards, even if it takes prompting from me!
C: I have nieces and nephews (grown now) and I never received thanks, even a phone call from across the country. Others say same thing about their relatives. Solution: don’t put them on the will, and if you don’t get a thank you, don’t send them any more gifts. I have changed my will several times over this. Put a ministry or favorite charity on a will instead. A friend died awhile back, and like me, no children, but the nieces were on the will, she took them off when her health declined because they didn’t drop by to see her (too busy) or in the hospital. Gave it all to charity, local animal shelter and/or best friend. Young people in my time were taught common courtesy, to write thank you notes, show appreciation. People today -many born in the 70’s decade onward are thankless, apathetic, and show zero common courtesy. One couple I know disinherited their two adult children.
Yes, I’ve gotten responses like that! Sending a thank you note is really such a small token, but it means a lot to the recipient!
Similarly, send Christmas cards! I seem to receive fewer and fewer each year. And I love getting them! It makes me sad that people are too busy to offer little acts of kindness through the mail. (And I do know it’s just too expensive for some. But for many people, sending cards is well within their budget. And what a relatively cheap way to bless someone, particularly maybe an older person.)
I agree! Plus, it’s fun to decorate your home (doorframes, mantle, etc.) with the cards you get!
Reading this felt like talking with my grandma, I loved getting tips from her and hearing her stories. She recently moved out of her house and we all got the letters back that we sent her when we were little, mine were full of drawings and horrible handwriting, but they are so precious. It makes me realize how much I miss getting letters in the mail, I am going to go write some this afternoon to send to friends and family.
My daughters are only 2 and 4, but already every evening they look forward to story time, right now we are reading “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and they love it! I started when my oldest was a newborn, hopefully they will grow up loving books like I did.
Thank you for putting these together, it makes me realize I need to slow down and stick to the simple things, even if they take more time.
Yes for simple things! That’s our hope for our son, too–that he will grow up loving books! We started reading to him as a newborn, and at 14 months he already loves flipping through his board books on his own.